[PART I: The Preparation] CHAPTER ONE
The “Poor Soul” is directly prepared by Jesus who wants to make of her an “instrument for his glory”
The “Poor soul” begins to receive certain intimate impressions, bright and precise, comparable to a voice.
– The second fortnight of December 1963.
An atmosphere of a new spirituality spreads in her soul.
– 30-12-1963 Retreat December 30th, 1963. Abundance of grace.
During the Holy Mass of the evening the soul throws herself into the loving arms of Jesus and puts herself near the Host, offering her physical, moral and spiritual sufferings, so as to let Him purify and sanctify her completely and do with her whatever He wants. During the meditations of the following days, new ways, new horizons open up in the soul. All the creatures, everything becomes element of elevation. The reflections on the holiness of God and charity of Jesus Christ (object of many meditations) brings the soul to such a deep insight and such an intimate comprehension that she must abandon her usual method of meditation, yet she cannot fathom what happens inside her. Dominated by a superior force and supported by inexplicable lights and appeals, the soul, who is the prey of strong and mysterious sufferings, especiaIly during Holy Mass and Holy Communion, begins to receive some intimate impressions, so clear and precise that they can be compared to a true voice, perfectly intelligible.
The voice reveals itself to the soul for the first time: “I have chosen your heart… let me enter…”.
The Voice – I have chosen your heart as a small shelter, let me enter, I need love.
The poor soul – At 10:30 in front of the Holy Tabernacle.
In the anguish of a strong suffering and with the fear of being deceived, a loud cry comes out from the soul: “Heaven is my witness: I desire nothing else but to live and die for Jesus-Christ”. After a few moments of silence and bewilderment: – Oh! come to my arms… I press you to my Heart… and consacrate you in my love.
The Voice – Oh! how my Heart is afflicted by the sad loss of so many souls!
The poor soul – After Holy Communion, the soul, who for a few days has been the prey of a strong and steady suffering, from 10:00 to 10:30 is forced to stop working, remains in the attitude of a person who is plainly groaning.
The Voice – I’m happy that your Confessor controls and rules my action in your soul.
Jesus asks her to offer herself as a holocaust for reparation. With the permission of the confessor the soul offers herself.
–7-3-1964 The poor soul – After Communion the soul feels herself being transported by a strong enthusiasm and cannot but repeat: O Divine Spouse!… O Divine Spouse!… Then after being conscious of her own nothingness and misery she joins the love of the sacred virgins of the choir of whom she is unworthily part. Then she remains in a mysterious silence. When meditation is over she is suddenly seized by such a strong power that she is almost fainting, while a clear inner voice tells her:
The Voice – Yes, I have given you my preference… but, now, to make you worthy of my favours I need also your free and firm choice. Will you follow me everywhere, always?
The poor soul – She now feels alone and fearful. To think that the favours of Jesus consist of suffering, makes her fear them. Recovering from this she says: “Lord, wait a few days till I speak with my Rev. F. Confessor”.
At another moment:
The Voice – My love is afflicted, despised, trampled under feet!… Offer yourself as a holocaust of reparation.
The poor soul – These are days of great uncertainty and suffering. By instinct she would free herself from everything that binds her since some time. She finally yields.
The Voice – This morning after your confession with the given permission, you will do what I tell you. My grace will support you always.
The poor soul – The morning of confession, satan makes himself felt openly, strongly, saying that it is foolishness, a cruelty to sacrifice what is most sacred in a human being, that is, her own freedom. In Holy Confession she tells everything and permission is granted. The day after, once she has received the Holy Communion, the soul gives herself, but what happens between her and her most amiable Lord, cannot be said in words.
–26-3-1964 Holy Thursday
The Voice – The hardest torture I suffered during my passion was when my soul saw the Holiness of my Father outraged by the iniquities of men and this is what still today holds me in the state of victim.
– At another moment.
The Voice – Through your holocaust to my afflicted love, despised and rejected love, I consider you as more absolutely mine… Your compliance to the action of my grace should be more delicately sensitive, prompt and generous. Do not hinder me and let my love spread freely.
The voice requests from the “Poor Soul” love and sharing in the bitternesses of the Cross.
–9-4-1964 4 The Voice – If, with a loving docility, you accept constantly my purifying action, which renders you more and more worthy of my love, I shall descend in your soul, humble human chalice, at every moment.
The poor soul – While she is ironing in her office:
–10-4-1964 The Voice – The sacrifice of the God-man is the mystery of human Redemption. Whoever is given to understand this inexpressible mystery of love, will also participate, at least in part, in the mysterious and dolorous afflictions endured on the cross. O beloved soul open your heart to me… I shall take you with me.
–12-4-1964 The poor soul – During Holy communion, very intense relationship of love with Good Jesus, present in my soul.
In the morning, for approximately 25 minutes, the soul is strongly attracted toward the adorable person of Jesus-Christ so much so that she steadily exclaims: “Only one heart, only one heart”. Then, at a certain moment, she cries out: “But, Lord what do you require from my soul?”.
The Voice – I’m looking for Love… I’m looking for hearts who understand me… but I find so few of them!
The poor soul – “My heart as well is of the same kind but if you wish so, take it, take also whatever I cannot give, make of it what you want, is everything your lives”.
Love lives on the thought of the sanctity of God in which is found the whole truth and the whole charity of Christ.
–12-4-1964 The poor soul – Two o’clock in the night. She cannot sleep on account of a physical disturbancy. The whole previous day had passed in mysterious suffering.
The Voice – Thinking of the Holiness of God, must be something like the oxygen which has to give the soul the whole breathing of love. Everything in you must be nourished by this breath of truth. Everything in you must transpire brightly… full of serenity and joy. Everything must be an emanation of my presence in your soul. And thinking about the Sanctity of God you will discover the Charity of your Christ, unlimited ocean of divine love… Oh! Would everyone understand the depths of this mystery and answer to it. You at least give me this satisfaction!
The poor soul is advised to rely only on the priest to whom she must report everything.
–17-4-1964 The poor soul – This morning, the good Jesus has dealt with my soul differently. During Holy Mass He has strongly broken my poor being with moments of sudden and strong vehemence of His action. The soul, reduced like this, approaches Holy Communion feeling herself as a complete nothingness to which His almighty Love could do whatever He wanted. After Holy Communion He treated her quite as a Master, letting her feel a suffering never experienced before. For her part, the soul adored, suffered, loved. Once the meditation is over:
The Voice – I have entrusted you to my Servant to take care of your soul. He has you in His power. Commit yourself to him more than to myself. You must really tell him.
–19-4-1964 The poor soul – She had hardly reached the church in the morning:
The Voice – Ah! You arrived… I was waiting for you, I was here for you alone…
The poor soul – She can’t follow the usual prayers of the community because she is submerged by the divine presence, and she is forced for many minutes to abandon herself to the mercy of the power which attracts her. At a certain moment she exclaims: “What does the eternal Father think about this?”
The Voice – True love is not a selfish love… He loves for love’s sake… He doesn’t request any quality from the loved one… He is satisfied with finding confidence and abandonment.
The poor soul – “Yet you make us suffer very much”.
The Voice – This is the way in which I treat my chosen ones.
The soul is invaded by the fear of being deceived, but the voice reassures her. The sanctity of the Father.
–1-5-1964 The poor soul – Today, all the strength of the soul is addressed towards the Sacred Heart of Jesus. Three times, during the offertory:
The Voice – Give me your nothingness so that I can do what I need to do with it.
The poor soul – And the soul promptly: “Lord, if You are satisfied with so little, here it is”. But these are moments of extreme suffering… and the soul is so bewildered that she would have liked to appeal to a human heart to tell him: how much I suffer! Afther Holy Communion the most sacred Heart of Jesus takes possession of all his poor creature who tries desperately to yield to him.
The morning passes in a strange disturbance.
Afternoon 14:30. A tormenting suffering overwhelms her whole being. At times she feels as if her existence was going to be drawn from her.
The poor soul – “What fear, my God! Who will save me? Yet, if it is to keep you company, o my Lord, here am I, I’m ready”.
Around three o’clock:
The Voice – Suffering is not deceiving… my love for men is not deceiving… my predilection for your soul cannot deceive.
The poor soul – Hearing this soft voice calms everything. The soul feels the need for relief, and without being aware, she bursts into tears. After a few moments she feels fully appeased and shouts instinctively: “O sancity of my God descend in my heart, fill me totally!”
The Voice – During my earthly life my Heart always stood under the sight and influence of the sanctity of my Father, who formed in me, his Incarnate word, the centre of his divine and eternal charity. Here, in this Heart, centre of all goodness, I await all my well-beloved; there they shall be purified and sanctified as long as they let me act freely.
Jesus laments for not finding an answer to his love. The soul is chosen to be “the instrument of his glory”.
–7-5-1964 The poor soul – In the afternoon at 14:45.
The voice – This is the mystery unveiled to humanity: the beloved Son of the Father descended to the rank of creature! How many do not know me yet… how many… who know me, do not love me or, what is worse, offend me and drive me away from their heart! Thus the Majesty of my Father is outraged, degraded… and thus the souls are lost! That is why I go and look for hearts able to understand me, in which I can gather true homages of love, reparation and praise… so that, my Heart is repaid with love, in part at least.
The poor soul – “My Lord, as You know, I’m at your disposal but, I beg you, sustain my weakness, for at certain times, I could hardly do more”.
–8-5-1964 The poor soul – Friday at 2:30. An overwhelming power invades her whole being, hitting the soul more strongly: while a mysterious action does its work silently. At a certain moment, something never felt before attracts the spirit so much that it is nearly separated from the body. There is a thirty minute spell, after which a voice is heard by the soul:
The Voice – I shall marry you in my Love… for I want to make of your soul an instrument of my glory.
The poor soul – The soul understands what happened and the meaning of what she heard. Therefore she is caught with terror, with such a panic that it cannot be described. She remains in that state friday evening and the whole saturday. This time her unique help is the most Holy Virgin, the Spouse of the Holy Spirit.